Developmental Edits - Saved by the Quill

 Greetings. It's been some time since I've updated my blog and that's because I've been diligently working through rewrites and edits to my manuscript. At the end of March, I sent my work to Robin Connelly with Saved by the Quill to perform a developmental edit.

For those not familiar with this type of edit, she read the whole manuscript (106,000 words at the time) and provided detailed feedback and analysis of areas I could change and update to strengthen the story and the characters. Her analysis was fantastic, and her pricing was very reasonable. I can't recommend her highly enough. Here is her link if you need editing of all kinds: Saved By The Quill (wordpress.com)

She provided me with her feedback in May and I've just now finished making all the updates. She gave me a multitude of suggestions and I incorporated at least 80% of her feedback, so it was a lot of work.I took it in a two-step process. First, I did the rewrites based on her feedback and saved that as a new version. The edits ballooned the word count to almost 109,000. 

With the next (current version) 8, I edited the whole thing and got it down to 103,000 words. The story and characters are much stronger, and I feel good about the work. Looking for a couple Beta+ readers to look it over. I say Beta+ because having gone through such a great developmental edit, I'm not expecting readers to find much to critique about the story itself, although of course I could be mistaken.

At this stage the feedback I'm really looking for is whether or not they enjoyed the story. If they had a good time reading it, that's good enough for me. Of course, I also hope they can point out any inaccuracies.

I have a proofreader lined up for after I get feedback from the beta readers so things are moving right along.

Literary Agents

I just received a rejection letter from one of the literary agents I queried and decided to focus this post on the querying process. It's probably one of the most frustrating aspects of trying to get published. Obviously, there is the option to skip querying agents and just self-publish, but it's not my first choice. I'll dedicate a full blog to my thoughts on self-publishing versus traditional publishing, but for now I'll just say my first option is traditional publishing, which involves trying to land an agent.

It's not required to have an agent, and I have submitted Relentless Blades to several publishers who accept un-agented submissions but have yet to hear back. While it is possible to land a traditional publisher without an agent, it's much more difficult, hence I am trying to acquire an agent.

Before I get to the responses I've received, let me say the process of querying an agent is exhausting. First of all, you need to search for agents that accept submissions in the genre you're writing in, so for me that is fantasy. Next, you need to narrow down those agents you found to those that are currently open to accepting submissions. Finally, you need to read all the fine details of how each specific agent and agency accept their submissions, and from my experience, it's not at all standardized.

Some agents, although few from what I've experienced, still request physical copies of the query letter and sample. Those were not very common. Most either require an email query letter or the use of the Query Manager submission portal.

Those that require an email, usually require everything to be embedded within the email, including the query letter, synopsis, author biography and writing sample. Most do not want attachments of any kind. However, that is not hard and fast, as I did encounter a couple that did want the sample chapters to be attached as separate files. 

At least half the agents I've queried so far use Query Manager, so nothing is emailed. You follow the prompts and fill out all the information they require. Most are fairly standard to include a place for your name, title of the book, genre, word count and your email address. There is usually a section for the query letter, another section for the author biography, another for the synopsis and one for the writing sample.

Whether an agent accepts submissions through Query Manager or via email the requested writing sample various widely by agent. There were some that wanted the first chapter, some that wanted the first two chapters, some the first three, some only the first ten pages, one that wanted the first fifty pages and a couple that wanted no writing sample, only the query letter and synopsis.

The moral of the story is, if you're an up-and-coming author, be prepared to do your agent research and don't think one query letter or writing sample will fit all. You need to pay close attention to what each specific agent requests.

As I write this blog, I've sent twenty-one queries (21) and have received nine (9) rejections. I'm still new to this, but from what I understand, it's common to receive no responses, so having received an almost 50% response rate feels somewhat positive. Three of the nine responses, including the last one, have a positive tone. I've included them below but have removed the agent's name and agency.

Dear Russell,

Thank you for sending me the manuscript for RELENTLESS BLADES. Unfortunately, this one isn't as strong of a fit for me as I hoped in order to champion the piece. I'm sorry to have to share such disappointing news. The publishing industry is so subjective, so what may not be working for me could be just the thing another agent is looking for.

Remember, this pass is only a pass on this piece of work and not on you as an author. I would be delighted to be considered for future projects.

I'm rooting for you!

Dear Russell –

Many thanks for writing. You have an interesting story to tell and there's a lot to like about your approach. But in the end I'm afraid I didn't come away quite fully convinced this was something I think I'd be able to represent successfully. I'm sorry not to be more enthusiastic but thanks nonetheless for giving me a chance to review it and best of luck in finding it the right home. 

Dear Russell Carroll:
 
Thank you for your query on Relentless Blades which I regret we must pass on.
 
Due to the number of clients that we currently represent we have to be extremely selective on any new project.  Please keep in mind that your work made it to the second round of readers here at the Agency. Although we had to pass on it, given the amount of material we look at on a daily basis, the fact that yours was selected for a closer read speaks volumes.
 
Now, this is the point in the letter where I usually offer some advice.  But I have no advice since I don’t have any problems with your submission; it is well-written and well-presented.  It’s just not the book for me and every book deserves an agent who is 100% in love with it and  I am sad to have to say that I am not that person for Relentless Blades.  Other than that, I don’t have any advice other than if you aren’t already a member of The Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, I highly recommend them. They have a lot of resources for both the beginning and also the experienced writer:  www.sfwa.org . 
 
We wish you every continued success with your writing career and keep on writing!

All three have some positive things to say about my work, particularly the last one, which was actually the first received, but are also frustrating in the sense that they don't give me an idea of what I can do to edit the work to improve my chances of publication. 

I understand that agents are extremely busy and do not owe an author any explanation of why they are passing. However, each of these agents took the time to respond personally and offer some form of encouragement. It seems like minimal effort to write one or two more sentences (nothing detailed) giving me some idea of where I can focus my attention to improve my work. 

That’s my plea to any agent that might happen to read this, please give authors any tips you can as to why you’re not accepting the work. Any feedback is very helpful and appreciated.

I’m not giving up. I’m going to continue sending queries until I get the right agent who will be excited to represent my work.

Beta Readers

This blog post is going to be a bit of a rant about beta readers. Some of you may wonder what a beta reader is. Well, quite simply, they are people who read unpublished manuscripts, ideally to provide feedback to the author, so the author can make changes before sending it to agents and publishers.

An author can only stare at their own work so many times before they miss things. It's human nature. The human mind naturally fills in missing pieces because in our mind, we know what is supposed to be there. After an author edits their manuscript to the best of their ability, it's time to turn it over to beta readers for feedback.

Beta readers are not typically editors. Editors come later in the process. Beta readers are usually representative of the customer the author is targeting to buy the book. Beta readers read the manuscript and leave comments and feedback. This feedback can be about anything. They may comment on things they don't understand, or about plot holes they notice. They may point out characters they like or don't like, or whether the pacing of the story is too fast or too slow. Most beta readers are unpaid, but it's not uncommon for authors to pay for this service. I now understand why authors would pay for this service. I'll get to that in a bit.

An author may allow beta readers to read the work and comment on anything they want, or they may have a specific outline of things they want beta readers to be watching out for. I tended towards the former. I did specifically mention that I wanted to know if the story was fun to read and entertaining. I wanted to know if the story was engaging and how they felt about the two protagonists.

I sought out about six beta readers. I queried various writing forums and made posts looking for beta readers. I was sure to include the genre, word count and a synopsis of the story. I found six people who said they were willing to beta read for me. I was very excited and quickly uploaded my manuscript in googledocs and gave them all access. 

Keep in mind, I didn't coerce anyone to read my manuscript. I didn't beg anyone. They all volunteered to read it of their own volition. One beta reader let me know up front that she reads slowly, and I told her that was okay with me. The other five gave me no such admissions.

Fast forward six weeks and the only beta reader still reading is the one who said she reads slowly. I am thankful for her. She has been communicative and has left good feedback. All the rest flaked out and stopped reading. 

Given that they were all doing this for free, I tried not to push anyone or check-in too often, but after the first two weeks, when I noticed there were very few comments, I did reach out to all of them to make sure they were okay, and to see if they were still interested in reading. They all responded they were fine and were enjoying the story. A couple said they had gotten busy, but they assured me they would keep reading. Did they? Nope, or if any of them have continued, none left any comments.

I tried checking in after about another week, and got the same type of response, but stopped after that. I could see the writing on the wall. I was ghosted. Here comes the rant. Look, I understand none of them were being paid or were under any formal obligation to read my story, but they all volunteered and it's very frustrating and annoying to take people at their word, only to be let down. If you don't like the story or find it boring, please say that. At least that's feedback that I can use to assess where maybe I need to make changes. As it is, none of them said anything so I have no clue why they all dropped out.

From reading many writer's forums, my experience does not seem to be abnormal with beta readers. It seems pretty common for most to drop out. In some small way I understand. They don't understand just have much the author is counting on their feedback. It's vital! Most of them probably don't understand the commitment they are making and place beta reading on the very bottom of their totem pole of daily activities.

If you are a beta reader, I ask you to please consider carefully before volunteering. If you see something on your horizon that will make you busy, don't volunteer. If you aren't 100% sure you want to beta read, don't volunteer. Once you commit, please follow through. I know I've beta read for two people so far and I make sure I follow through because I know how important the feedback is.

Having said all that, I am in the market for several beta readers, so if you'd be interested in reading Relentless Blades, and are positive you will finish, please let me know.  

My writing process

As I discussed in my last post, I was very much a 'plotter' for Relentless Blades. Does this mean I'll always be a plotter? I can't say for sure, but it seemed to work well for me. I referred to my world bible and outline numerous times throughout the writing process.

I finished my world bible at the end of September 2022. I started officially writing Relentless Blades in the beginning of October 2022. I have a full-time job, am married and have two children. Thus, I went with the old saying, 'if you write one-page a day, in a year you'll have a novel' and gave myself a deadline of October 1, 2023 to complete Relentless Blades. To my absolute surprise, I finished the 122,500-word first draft at the end of January 2023, eight full months ahead of schedule.

For me, having the world bible and outline really helped keep me focused and on task. The thought of writing a novel was daunting, so to keep myself from becoming overwhelmed, I viewed each chapter like writing a short story. Writing a 10–15-page short story didn't seem nearly as scary. I'd think about what I wanted to accomplish with each chapter to push the narrative forward, then write the chapter like a story and I knew the chapter was complete when I accomplished what my goal was for that chapter. 

I chose to follow the Jerry Jenkins philosophy of writing. His philosophy is to set your writing time and then write without editing or fear. Your goal is to get words on paper and keep writing. Don't judge your writing and don't worry about whether its 'good' or not. He then says to start the next day's session by editing what you wrote the day before. This is when you put on your critical hat and clean up any mess you made the day before. Once you've done that, use the rest of your time to write the next section, unfiltered. Rinse and repeat. Now, I didn't follow this exactly, but fairly close, and it worked well for me.

I know this can be a bit controversial, as many writers will tell you not to edit at all until you've finished the manuscript. To them, I say if it works for you, fantastic! That's the beauty of writing, each author has their own style that works well for them. To go back to the weight loss analogy, I used in an earlier post, there are a thousand different diets and most of them will work to lose weight. The key is to pick the one that works for you, and more importantly, that you can stick with. It's the same with writing. There are plenty of great authors who don't outline. There are plenty of great authors who do outline. There are authors who only edit at the end, and there are others that edit as they go. There is no right or wrong way to write, there is only the way that is right for you.

Once I completed the first draft, I waited a few days and dove into my first cover to cover edit. But Russell, I thought you edited as you went? I did, but that doesn't mean a full edit is not necessary. This can also be controversial as many authors will tell you to set your finished manuscript aside for a month or more to let it breath and then go back to it with fresh eyes.

I can see merit to this line of reasoning, but I'm the type of person who needs to keep momentum going and if I set the story aside for a month or more, I might not get back to it. Again, each of us has to find what works best for us. I think I cut about 7,000 words in the first full edit pass. One of the things I focused on were 'weak' words. What's a weak word? They are words that don't add value to a sentence and can often weaken it. Here are some examples: Suddenly, very/really, start/started, just, somewhat/slightly, somehow, seem/seems, definitely, saw, heard, that, adverbs ending in 'ly'. It's not to say you can't ever use these words, just to be careful how often you use them, and in what context. 

I made several more edit passes based on feedback from my wife and sister, who both read the story. It was my fifth edit pass (version 6) where I made the most dramatic edits and entirely rearranged my opening six chapters and made major cuts that reduced the novel down to 105,000 words. This is the version I'm currently on. I like the state the story is in, but I know it still needs some tightening up. 

Ideally, I'd like to get the word count slightly under 100,000. Research indicates that most novels are between 70,000 - 90,000 words, with variances according to genre. Fantasy tends to allow for slightly longer works, usually in the 90,0000 - 120,000-word range. This is most applicable if an author wants to be traditionally published. However, it also applies to self-publishing in the sense that most publishing costs are calculated by the word, so the more words, the higher your cost to publish. It seems traditional publishers are more comfortable with works under 100,000 words, particularly for unknown authors. 

As an aside, 'word count' was foreign to me until I started writing my novel and researching the art of writing. I think it's foreign to most readers. I always used to judge a book by how thick it was and how many pages it had.

When I first started writing Relentless Blades, and I'd update my sister on my progress, I'd say something like, "I'm excited, I just hit the 20,000-word mark." 

She'd respond with, "great, how many pages is that?"

To which, I'd reply, "I have no idea."  It's true, I didn't. Now whenever I look at a book, I wonder how many words it has. 

World Building

As I've established in other posts, I've thought about writing Relentless Blades for almost thirty years and seriously since 2004 when I entered the Eberron writing contest for Wizards of the Coast. I can't explain what happened in September 2022, but I woke up one morning and decided, time to stop messing around and write the damn book!

Since I'd been thinking about the book for years, I had a pretty good idea of the general story and of the characters, but I didn't have an outline or a setting, and as I alluded to in previous posts, that always seemed daunting. I knew I couldn't use anything that was proprietary to Dungeons and Dragons, so would have to create my own world.

My first thought was to "pants-it". For those who don't know, there are two generally accepted types of writers: 'pantsers' and 'plotters.' As the name suggests, 'pantsers' are writers who either don't have an outline or just have the bare bones of the story or characters and write by the seat of their pants. They let the story go where it takes them.

On the other side, are the 'plotters' who make sure they have detailed outlines and synopsis' to follow. Truthfully, most writers fall somewhere on the spectrum between the two.

I like action, so I started with Grim fighting horned lions. The first chapter was about fifteen pages. I think it turned out pretty good, except that I quickly realized I didn't know enough about the world Grim inhabited or about the creatures in it. Even within the first chapter I was constantly asking myself, what do horned lions look like? Where did they come from? Where exactly is this forest, he's traversing? Why is he going after the horned lions? 

It didn't take long to realize I fall closer to 'plotter' on the spectrum. I needed to understand this world I was working in and needed to understand where the story was headed to progress, so I set the first chapter aside and began creating my world bible and outline.

My experience is probably not typical of how most writers create their world, or at least mine was probably accelerated simply because I've spent years thinking of fantastical worlds and had a high-level history from a homebrew Dungeons and Dragons campaign I always wanted to run, but never did.

I spent the entire month of September writing a 25,000-word, world bible. I created a 6,000-year world history. I mapped out the major kingdoms, and the rulers of each. I created a map of the world, or at least the parts of it that were relevant to the story. I created the major races that inhabited the world, as well as giving the world a name: Zarune. I created several large religions and a couple military organizations. I even got down to the nitty-gritty of naming the seasons and the world currency. 

There are authors who spend much more time than I did creating their world and of course those that spend less, or none at all, in the case of extreme pantsers. In retrospect, I think I spent just the right amount of time. As I wrote the novel, I referred to the world bible often and most of the time it contained the information I needed. There were only a couple times I realized I hadn't thought of something.

That would be my advice to those authors seeking to build a world, really focus on the plot of your story so you understand how much world building you need. I can easily see how some authors spend years building their world. However, I also tend to think those that spend so long building their world, might be using it as an excuse to not actually write the story.

You may not think that makes sense, but writers, particularly newer writers, don't tend to be very confident in their writing. It can be a scary thing to put your best effort forward, only to have someone tear it apart. By continuing to tell yourself, I need to flesh the world out more, you delay actually writing the story and thus delay any potential criticism. 

So, my advice to other writers is, get down the necessities of the world, but don't spend so much time that you lose momentum of actually writing the story. I think you'll find the real world building happens when you write your story.

In-between writing the world bible, I spent countless hours talking my wife and sister's ears off about the plot. I owe them both so much for not only listening to my ramblings, but also offering great insight and feedback that allowed me to really strengthen the plot.

Next time I'll discuss plotting the story and the process of writing it, and of course if anyone has any questions about my world building process, please feel free to ask.

Motivation

Motivation is a strange concept. If someone ever figures out how to unlock the motivation lurking inside everyone, they'll become a billionaire and the world will be a better place. Seriously, think of all the times you've sincerely wanted to do something, anything, and honestly felt you needed to do it, and didn't.

Weight loss and exercise are two things that come immediately to my mind. So many people want or need to exercise and lose weight. They know it with every fiber of their being. They talk to friends and family about it. They spend money on diet plans and gym memberships, and yet few actually follow through. I'm no different. I was slim most of my early life and exercised regularly, but as I hit my thirties, I got a desk-job and stopped exercising as much and started to gain weight. I'm 5'9" and prior to that, my average weight was about 200 pounds. 

Starting in my early thirties I started a yo-yo where I'd gain 25 pounds over the course of a year, then get motivated, spend 3-4 months dieting and exercising, drop the weight, then slack off, re-gain the weight and repeat the cycle.

While my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, Sofie, in 2008, I was that sympathetic eating husband who gained weight right along with my wife. Once my wife got pregnant, I didn't follow my yearly trend of getting serious and dropping weight. Sofie was born in June 2008 and by January 2009, I had ballooned up to almost 260 pounds. This was heavier than I'd ever been by 25 pounds!

All of 2008 I told myself that I needed to lose weight but kept right on eating. I'd never experienced acid reflux but was having that several times a week. I found myself taking deep breaths to tie my shoes. 

I wish I could tell you why motivation finally struck me in early 2009. I don't think the scale going up to 260 lbs, from 259 lbs. was some wake-up call. I'd already replaced all my pants and many shirt because my old ones no longer fit, so that wasn't a defining moment. I honestly don't know what specifically motivated me, but one day in early 2009, I made up my mind to get back in shape and for some reason I had the motivation. Suddenly my will was like iron. I still liked sweets, but my willpower was unbreakable, and I didn't indulge. I maintained my work-out routine five days a week, hard! The weight dropped and by the end of the year, I was 195 lbs,, Something I hadn't been in a decade. 

I've been able to maintain my five-day a week work-out routine ever since and actually over the next few years got all the way down to 175 lbs. around 2015. Since then, I've gained about 12 lbs. and currently sit about 187 lbs. My willpower is no longer like iron though, and I indulge in more sweets than I'd like. I'm kind of back in that zone where I'm telling myself I want/need to drop those 12 pounds and just can't seem to do it. Not sure why the motivation hasn't hit me? I know what I need to do. I've done it before, so you'd think it would be easy to "flip the switch," but it's not. It's not for me, and I suspect it's not for a lot of people. In fact, I know it's not easy for most people. 

Okay Russell, well what does weight loss have to do with writing? Well, dieting takes discipline and motivation, just like writing. I suppose there are those special writers who have natural talent and can just sit down and magic flows from their fingertips with minimal effort, but for most of us, writing is tough. There are so many distractions to writing, especially now with social media and the internet literally at our fingertips, beckoning us away from our goal.

As I've detailed in other posts, I've wanted to write Relentless Blades for almost twenty years. I earnestly thought I was motivated, and yet, I didn't do anything. Much like losing weight, I wish I could tell you what suddenly lit the fire in September 2022, but I can't. Truthfully, I woke up one morning and just had the iron will to write the novel.

Was I sure I'd finish? Of course not. How could I be sure, after almost twenty years of not writing it? However, I felt I was going to. I announced to my wife and sister that I was going to write the book and by January 31, 2023, I finished the first draft of 122,500 words.

It wasn't easy, but for some reason, unknown to me, I had the will this time to finish the deal, where I'd quit so many times before.

While I can't give you the magic bullet to unlock your hidden motivation, what I can do is ensure you that it's there! You've got the motivation inside you to accomplish whatever you want. The key is to never stop pursuing your dreams and goals and when the time is right, you'll unlock that hidden motivation and reach them!

It's not the best picture, but here I was in 2009 around 255 pounds.

Here I am today at 187 pounds.

Genesis for Relentless Blades

I've established that Relentless Blades is heavily influenced by my love of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D). Grimlock and Vigilanton were created in 1983, and I spent many years planning to write stories about them. I vividly remember driving to work as a grocery clerk in the early 1990's and thinking of plots for the characters. Sadly, aside from a few short stories, that were never finished, that's all I did was think about writing a novel. 

By 2004, I was still just thinking, and not actually writing. However, in June 2004, Wizards of the Coast published the brand new Eberron campaign setting for D&D. Shortly thereafter they released a contest called the War-Torn Novel Proposal. This was a contest open to anyone to submit a proposal for a novel set within the Eberron setting. The winner would have their novel published by Wizards of the Coast in 2006.

I knew this was my opportunity to stop thinking about writing a novel and actually write one. I spent weeks pouring over the Eberron campaign setting and polishing my submission. I sent my cover letter, full synopsis and ten-page sample by the due date of August 31, 2004. 

Here is the Synopsis for my submission: The Imperial Crown: Relentless Blades - Russell Carroll: Imperial Crown: A Synopsis (rcarroll-relentlessblades.blogspot.com)

Here is the ten-page sample I submitted: Relentless Blades - Russell Carroll: Imperial Crown Sample Chapter (rcarroll-relentlessblades.blogspot.com)

Here is a snippet from the cover letter I sent:

"The story focuses on such themes as friendship, honor, duty, and loyalty, and examines the nature of hate.  It should appeal to any fan of Dungeons and Dragons as well as fans of such movies as Raiders of the Lost Ark and Gladiator." While much of Relentless Blades has changed from The Imperial Crown, this sentence remains applicable.

I waited months to hear anything. Finally, in April 2005 I received word that I was not selected, but that I had made the short list for serious consideration. 

Here is an excerpt of the response I received:

You crafted some very interesting characters and plot points, but the overall direction of the story was just too large for what we’re trying to achieve in these first few years of the Eberron novels. Your tale was very much one of “epic fantasy” ¾ heroes trying to unite the clans of his homeland in order to invade an enemy nation. That certainly makes for great fiction, but the overall story was just too “big” for what we wanted.

Here was more:

Your writing was quite impressive! You’ve got a great eye for detail, a good ear for dialogue, and a nice sense of pacing. I am going to keep your name on a list of prospective authors for future projects. The schedule for Eberron fiction is full right now, but as the line progresses more opportunities will come up.

While I was of course disappointed I didn't win, being told I made the short list of over 300 submissions, and getting the positive feedback, made me feel great in "rejection." At that moment, I was sure I'd write a novel.

Alas, the positive feelings and tremendous momentum didn't last. I didn't pursue writing the story. There is no denying that laziness played a factor, but this was heightened by the fact that the setting and some of the side-characters were proprietary to Wizards of the Coast and there was no way I could write and publish the story.  

While I didn't pursue the novel at that time, it never strayed far from my thoughts. Over the years I'd tinker with different ideas for my novel. I'd run them by friends and family, and the recurring response I'd hear is, "why don't you just write the Imperial Crown? You know the plot is solid and it got great feedback?" I always replied that too much of the story was proprietary, but the truth was, I just wasn't up to the task at that time.

Finally, sometime in August of 2022, I decided to take another look at my synopsis and seriously think about what it would take to adapt this premise to my own world, and what changes I'd have to make to it. This idea germinated into what would eventually become Relentless Blades. More to come.